Sir David Martin Foundation - Helping young people in crisis

According to Phary, our counsellor at South West Youth Services, all 45 cases she had last year had disclosed some form of sexual abuse. She is outraged at the number of young people suffering in silence and wants the community to support them and be aware that it exists.

Phary tells “Many of the young people we see have been abused by their peers, but because of the lack of understanding of what constitutes ‘appropriate sexual behaviour’ they continue to suffer in silence. “We have also underestimated the existence of inter-generational sexual abuse within families. It’s quite common for the young people we help to have parents or grandparents who were abused themselves. “A major challenge for youth counsellors is the reporting of sexual abuse to the authorities. While it is necessary to make sure cases of sexual abuse are raised appropriately, it can also cause a loss of trust between the client and counsellor – particularly when a young person has confided in you in absolute secrecy – it can result in fear and ultimately denial.”

Phary illustrates her point by sharing (a current client) Judy’s story. Judy was only 15 when she was raped at a party she attended, at the time she was confused and frightened and did not report it. She finally did which was the bravest thing she had ever done in her whole life. For rape victims there is a real barrier in telling authorities. They are often afraid and feel like they were the ones to be interrogated not the offenders. They are questioned on what they were wearing, whether they had been drinking, et cetera.

Judy reported her assault and it was investigated. The hardest thing for Judy as she did not receive the support she had hoped to receive from her family. When she confided in her mother she was told to “get over it, at least you were raped by a stranger rather than someone you know” - a statement she did not know how to deal with. You see, her mother was sexually abused for some years by a family member and so was her grandmother. Both have lived with the abuse and never have notified authorities regarding it. They have never received counselling for it, and in a sense moved on from it as something that should never be spoken about. Generational sexual abuse is seldom discussed.

Judy began to deal with her torment, and her trauma the best way she knew how. She partied, explored drug use, drank alcohol and became sexually promiscuous. Her reason she described in her own words was she only took this direction because she was looking for love and acceptance from whom ever she could get it from. Naturally Phary's concern was high for her state of mind.

There were many mediation meetings with her mother and father. Through these meetings Judy was able to voice everything she feared to say to her parents and her parents were able to see the damage that was being done to their daughter by being so complacent about her assault. Her mother was also able to deal with her own emotional grief with her own abuse. Judy is always positive despite everything she has endured. She has the most fantastic attitude to life. She still has troubles that plague her, but still remains wise and thoughtful in her perspectives on life.

Phary's face lights up as she says "Speaking about Judy’s story always inspires me whenever I hit barriers. And I hit them often. It is not because people don’t care about rape, sexual assaults, generational sexual abuse, or even molestation. It is because people don’t want to believe that it is happening, or happening to them or even to someone they know. Some people may even feel helpless; friends or family who know it has happened but didn’t know what to do is common. Awareness of the topic is the most empowering, and it takes very little work. The responsibility is on all of us."